Wasn't emo on Truth Thursday so here comes the emoness. ^_^

I was walking in Makati on Tuesday night and I caught myself about to make one of those soul-vows that go something like "I will never again [insert objectionable action here]."
The thing is, although these vows really do work (depending on your willpower I suppose, but this girl can force herself to go cold turkey on practically any addiction) and make you stronger, this strength is so selfish (self-centered, self-reliant, self-protective) that it tends to be brittle. Therein lies its weakness. Because it's all about you, you can only take yourself so far. And past a certain point, you break. And you still fall, and do precisely what you vowed you never would.
In other words, pride chicken lang yan.

So I've been learning...
that it's okay to be vulnerable.
that I don't have to have it "together" all the time.
that if I do keep it together it's not because I tried my flipping hardest,
but because I trust God to be my strength even if I'm really weak.

I posted recently that my worst fear is that I'll try and fly, but instead trip and fall flat on on my face, drag others down with me, and die before I can get back up.

But I've learned to trust that even if I do freefall, crash and burn, I can trust that God is Big enough to pick up the puddle that used to be me and transform it into a glorious Master-piece.

I haven't crashed and burned yet, but at least I can stop being so scared of it.
Or at least start to stop... LoL.

On that note, my OT reading today was Psalm 37. Swak, as usual.
Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him... (v3-7a)
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. (v23-24)

It's only been 4 weeks of group counselling, and I'm learning so much already.
We live in a fallen world we have all been wounded by its imperfect elements and inhabitants. There's a lot of junk in our respective trunks, and dealing with all the crap early on is always good. 
I hope everyone gets the chance to do this.

Can you imagine yourself as the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure?

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible, even a little,you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary school test, so these were the answers given by children. They have not been retouched or corrected.



1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.



2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.



3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.



4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.



5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.



6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.



7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.



8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.



9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.



10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.



11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.



12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.



13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.



14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.



15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.



16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.



17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.



18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.



19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.



20.IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.



21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.



22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.



23.ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.



24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.



25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Cue Veggie Tales music:
And so what what we have learned applies to our lives today
And God has a lot to say, in His Book...
You see we know that God's Word is for everyone
And now that our song is done
We'll take a look

Haha...
Conference is over and I am once again in my Limbo, este Bangkok Airport. Waiting.
Yes, I am perpetually waiting... <Sigh!>
Enough angst.

COFM08 was so much fun and I've learned so much. Actually, everything I asked God to teach/show me, He has. I came to the conference knowing only 2 people and now I think I've been able to have a conversation with at least 3/4 of the people there. I think it's really only in multicultural Christian crowds where I can let my neon light shine. I'm more careful around everyone else, they're so easy to offend.

Anyway, I don't know how much I can elaborate about what I've learned: a lot about my compassion (and extreme need of more!), but I don't really know how to explain that... He's confirmed my call to faraway lands, just wonder when that's gonna be.

And as I've been saying, he's confirmed my feminine side. Let's just say twitterpation is getting harder to hold at bay, and I'm trying to keep my walls lowered. The moat is drained. But the dragon is still inside. She's a bit too hard to tame right now.

I finally made it to on the plane to Chiang Rai. After checking in (super bangag mode) went to my assigned gate. Tried to get settled, dozed off, then got woken up by airport personnel and evicted. Apparently, you have to go to the gate right before boarding, which kinda sucks.

So relocated to the benches just outside the gate and tried to snooze... not very successfully. When I woke up, a English senior was sitting next to me reading a paper. He spoke Thai and helped me figure out where I was supposed to be. Turns out there's a reason I was evicted. My flight ended up being assigned another gate... which also happened with my Cebu Pacific flight. Anyway, because I'm me,  I struck up a conversation.

Ooohboy. Didn't take us long to establish that I'm a Christian and into missions, and he was violently against any missionary attempts to convert Thai buddhists, and especially against American evangelical charismatic groups. As our discusson progressed, I kept my cool (partly because I was so sleepy) and just tried graciously to explain why I as a Christian actually practice the Great Comission.
I actually agree with him about a lot of things, about how "weird" some sects really are, and about how annoying it is that a lot of "Christians" are rnothing more than posers talk the talk and think they're so holy, but really they're not. As I like to say: just because you sit in a garage and wear a ferrari sticker on your forehead doesn't make you a car.

But that's a whole other blog post about why I can be a Christian and still wear my spikes and be a happy emo!

Again, my twits said it all:
"On plane, spoke w/ an old Brit expat environmental chemistry professor antpathic against evangelistic missionaries. I discussed graciously. And this was me trying to be gentle, gracious and a good testimony on bangag mode. Talk about being thrown into the deep end. God is funny.. "

And God really does have a sense of humor, and that meeting with the 69-year old British academic was my first REAL experience to DO apologetics, one of my long-term passions and obsessions. When you ask God to use you, you better be sure you know what you're doing!

When the plane landed, we parted ways. Nothing was resolved, but we didn't really expect it to be. Before my mangling and restoration experience, this conversation would have left me discouraged and even more cynical. But from where I stand now, it's funny that an encounter with a skepic has reminded me of how real God has shown Himself to be in my life. It's just a pity that this man was so closed that anything I would say (very diplomatically and politely!) about authentic Christianity was met with a condescending "Sure, sure."

I was reminded of why I'm here in Chiang Rai. It's not about imposing a religion (which I think is wrong). It's not even about transforming a culture. As I kept telling that professor, it's all about encountering Jesus Christ.

I resolve to know nothing except Jesus Christ and him crucified. (1Cor2:2)
The truth is that Jesus, the Son of God, gave up Heaven to live on earth as one of us. Lived a perfect life and lifted it up to God as an offering on the cross. He gave up his life to pay the penalty of our sin. And death could not hold him, He rose again. The good news of the Cross gives me and all others who receive it power to live lives of freedom and victory.

That's all I need to know. That's all there is to know.

As promised, this next update is being blogged from Bangkok Airport, where it turns out i WON'T be spending 11 hours. Because of Cebu Pacific's infamous lateness, that time will be shorter.

Oh well, at least I was able to meet new people from YWAM. As I was speaking to these much more mature workers, and listening to how God has worked in very different, but nonetheless very powerful ways in their lives, I realized how this trip could really be a turning point for me. I mean, I'm living the dream, baybeh. Independent woman, dream job, dream bachelorette pad, I really can't imagine it can get better than this.

But it can! (And no, I don't mean I need a man, because I don't.)
Because God is the God of the INFINITE! Meaning it just keeps getting better!
From glory to glory, from strength to strength, to infinity and beyond!!!

So I was pondering these things in my seat on the plane when we finally boarded. We even had to relocate from Gate 3 to Gate 15... Haaay NAIA. Good thing my ADHD tendencies prevent me from ever getting bored. Weird noh?

The girl in front of me in the line as we were boarding was my seatmate (I saw her seat was 22E, I was 22F. Yes, Leo's Byakugan and Allen's Sharingan are somehow rubbing off on me) so I said "Hi!" Once we got settled in our seats, turns out she, Sheila, was with Hot Legs, a Filipino dance company I actually knew about because one of the women in my small group is also a dancer. Turns out that our common dancer friend (Twinkle) was actually subbing for Sheila while she was going on holiday in Bangkok.
God does not play dice, and we DID pray for divine appointements, so !pt to God!

Ayun, because we left late, most of the othe passengers were trying to sleep so I tried to nap as well. No such luck. So instead I prayed about the trip and committed to the work I know by faith God is going to work in me.

And as I was having my own worship service in my seat thanks to my beloved walkman and looking out the window (I got a window seat!!!) at the clear night sky, I saw a falling star. It fell exactly in front of me, and I just knew.

I've been praying for a very critical something to be planted in my heart, and I believe He's going to bring Breakthrough this week. (And again, no, it's not a man.)

So expect more exciting updates!

In the meantime, I have to refine my talk, prepare my slides and maybe even handouts. I'm in Starbucks, and my twit says it all:
"I'm in Starbucks BKK Airport. My chipipay estudiante d'Katipunan technique works here too! I go a quiche, hot water & used my baon Tazo tea!"
Harang naman kasi talaga ang mga airport prices, but I will keep ordering "real" stuff because I'd feel guilty otherwise. LoL.

I just wanted to update you on life here in Manila. Well, let's just say I've found the reason for the past 5/6 years of my life!

Brief Recap: My four years studying Information Systems in Ateneo were not the best for me. I did pretty well but I always felt like I was supposed to be doing something else (ie. something more artsy). And then after three years of praying and planning for my year in France, on the last minute my scholarship got cut. So I was pretty gutted. So then I took off for my first vacation in 5 years, then when I got back to Manila I fixed up my resume and portfolio (check it out!) and applied to multinational ad agencies, as Art Director of Mabuhay Magazine, (Phil Airlines' inflight mag), and other random design jobs I found online.

So anyway, my first interview was with Mabuhay Mag and it was very promising, and the environment was good and the travel opportunity was... tempting. So I did a "design audition with them." And I really wanted to join them. But at the same time this US-based web design company got back to me about a web design position so I visited them. Cambria is as old as I am (since 1984) and their reputation is so solid they don't even have to look for clients, and they can charge pretty much anything. Basically it's a solid company. They were really nice and they were very impressed with my portfolio and skillset. So anyway, on my third interview, Mike (the American guy heading the Manila office) told me that he'd been telling US office about me and they were considering me for project management as well, especially as the Manila office seemed to be self-sufficient, he might be spending more time in the States and would need someone in Manila to make sure the projects were handled by the right team, etc.
 
Basically, it's exactly what I envision myself doing (project management + art direction) in animation in the long-term. And while I had always planned on learning this in grad school, now I'm gonna have the opportunity to learn it on the job, which is a lot better! And I realized that the past 5 years had prepared me for this job: my MIS degree means I won't get lost in all the web programming jargon and my passion for Art means I will be able to do web design and art direction well, and  even my non-France trip meant that I was able to practice project management in print (it was a year-long crash course in everything from dealing with clients, to concept development, to juggling multiple projects, to delivering a quality finished product). So anyway, the whole time I thought I was so off track from the path I thought I was supposed to be on, God was actually taking me on a shortcut!

So anyway, it was a perfect fit! And the work environment is really nice, the Manila office is very young, but the team is made of the best in their respective fields, and the atmosphere is very relaxed and comfortable, and the company is very employee-centered. And basically Cambria wanted me on so bad that they were willing to offer me anything, so I think I ended up with a pretty good package (understatement of the year!). So God is just amazing! I've spent the past weekend just marvelling at how BIG AND AWESOME He is, truly His ways are higher than our ways. I mean the job I'm taking on only opened up after my 2nd interview, so the timing was just PERFECT! What's more is that I'm only 22! My heart's desire is really to learn as much as I can while I'm single, because I know when Psalm1 comes along the corner, all my plans will fly out the window. (Yes, I do want the mush so badly, that's why I can't have it right now. Children, it's called delayed gratification...)

I'm just really happy because for the first time ever, I know that I'm at the center of God's will. I'm just glad I obeyed my parents, or I wouldn't have had this opportunity.

So I said YES to Cambria corporation and I'm very excited to start work on the 1st of October. I'm hoping to move to Makati by November, so just looking for places to stay now.

And there... God's been amazing and I'm sure that I'm gonna enjoy this next chapter of my life. :-) Yun lang po...